I want to jump forward in time to 2013. However, everything that has happened prior to 2013 has made me the person I am today. Here is another short story from the past.
My dad fought cancer for 4 years. I do not remember much about him. I do believe I was daddy’s girl and his death was traumatic and the after effects hurt for a very long time. Children do not ever get over a parents death. He died on April 15, 1979. That was Easter Sunday. Apparently, I thought my dad would be coming back and I asked when my new daddy would be here. I am sure the reason why I asked that was because it was Easter and I thought that my dad would come back in 3 days. At the time, it probably was the worst thing to say but I am sure of the reasoning behind. Now that I am a mom, I realize that at the age of seven, children still do not understand the concept of death. Nevertheless, it was sweet that I thought he was going to be “resurrected”.
I remember three things about the wake. My grandpa was on the left of me, he was staring at a pink flower, and he never stopped frowning. My grandma was on the right of me, she was shaking very bad and streams of heavy tears fell from her cheeks. Last, I consciously decided that I never wanted to hurt as much as my grandma did. Therefore, I decided to stare like my grandpa. That was child-like thinking at its best.
Soon after my brother, my mom, and I got on a plane and flew back to New York. I remember one thing from the flight. There was a man on the plane that asked my mom about the flowers she was holding. She told him that her husband died. Then the man looked at me and I smiled.
I felt lonely without my dad and after his death; no one ever spoke about him. We stopped going to church. I longed for him. From a very young age, I would pray to God that he would send me a boy to protect me. I prayed for this very often. Please God, send me a boy that loves me. I need a boy who loves me. I need a boy who will protect me. As I grew the prayer changed to, sending me a man.
Eventually, I escaped from New York and joined the Army. I met a boy and married him. God finally answered my prayer. He believed in God and went to church his whole life. He brought me back to church after a 17-year absence. However, that marriage was explosive and to be honest, you marry what you know and I knew chaos and abuse. The marriage was so bad that I would continue the prayer of old days. I would also pray that I would get sick so he would have to take care of and protect me.
I truly believe that God loves me so much that he gave me free will to decide what path I choose. I chose the environment in which I lived. However, my choice was rewarded. He loved me so much, that even though that marriage was not the best, he knew that I would eventually come back to HIM while in this marriage.That is free will at its best. He made a horrible experience into something good. I know that divine intervention played a large part in my life at this time. Yes, my husband did leave me in the most desperate moment. If he stayed, I would have never reached deep down in my soul and found the strength to live. He had to leave me or he would have killed me. Not murdered me, but I do not know anyone that believes I would have survived cancer if he did not leave. That is why I had to go to California.
When I got back from California, I focused on getting back to normal. I met a new man. Started going to church with him. One day, I realized something. That old prayer I repeatedly asked so many times, the prayer for a boy/man, it was answered a long, long time ago. Ironically, I prayed for a man who already protected and took care of me. He also died for all of my sins. God loved me so much that he sent me his son and that prayer was answered long before I ever prayed. It was right there in front of me the whole time. We are unconditionally loved by God and Jesus. HE took care of all and He was protecting me the whole time. He protected me in abusive environments. He protected me through cancer. He carried me when I was too weak to move one. He gave me strength. He sent friends to help me. He gave me the strength to move. He protects me now and protected me throughout my entire life. Divine Intervention is AWESOME (sing it)!