Still processing what happened today. I have to write it out in hopes to make some sense of it all.

The morning was normal. I got ready to go to the doctors. Sat on my bed and thought about how not to deprive myself of any happiness today. The beauty in the world will not escape me today. I talked myself into a place where I absolutely knew what my purpose is and that I still need to be fulfilling my purpose.  I finished getting ready, walked out the door, and hopped in my car.

While driving to the doctors, I caught myself sinking into fear. I told myself that I had nothing to fear but fear itself. Thank you Franklin D. Roosevelt. I kept asking myself, “What are you so afraid of?” I told myself not to be afraid because I have a long life ahead of me. I told myself that fear is only the enemy. I am a warrior!

That is me!

I drove into the parking lot, walked into the building, and up to check-in. Then I sat and waited on a couch. The nurse called me back to get blood drawn. As usual, this takes three tries. I kept my cool. I am used to it. The nurse called for my husband when I was done and we walked down the hall, turned left, and sat in room 15. This is the room that my doctor keeps a lot of pictures of his family. There are pictures of vacations to Niagara Falls; canoeing…He has four kids. My husband and I played on our phones. Then all of a sudden, out of the blue, from nowhere, this song pops in my head.

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, and I say

It’s all right.

All I could see in my imagination was a bright orange-yellow sun with very long warm rays beaming outward. Soon after, my smiley doctor entered the room. He is so awesome!

He asked us to pull our chairs up to his computer so we could read the results with him. He said that it was all good plus a slight curve ball, but it ends up all good. Of course, that is when I get that horrible feeling.  It is a very heavy feeling that just feels bad. However, my doctor is still smiling. He starts reading the results. The radiologist states that the scarring in the pleura lining is indicative of scarring from a pleurodesis and that according to the radiologist there is no active cancer cells. The swollen lymph node near my pharynx is gone. Then he said, “Here is the curve ball.” The scarring on one of my spinal discs shows that cancer was there, and now is gone. In addition, the scaring on my pelvic bone also shows that my bone has heeled itself from cancer. Huh??? Yes, not only did I have cancer in the pleura lining, I was actually much further along than anyone thought. The cancer had reached my bones.

Curve Ball. The only time baseball will show up on my blog.

Now here is the miracle. The cancer on my bones was too small to see. However, the PET scan sees the scaring from cancer easily. The scaring on my pleura lining could have a slight chance to be cancer, but they are sure it is not because it looks like scaring from surgery and inactive cancer. Honestly, they know what they are looking for. The only real way to know that the medicine works is thankfully, the scaring on my bones from the healing of cancer, which we did not know I had in the first place. I think that makes me a walking miracle. At least, that is what I am calling it.

 If I did know about my bones, I think I would have felt defeated. Is this God’s way of saving me from that? Um, YES! I would have freaked if I knew it was in my bones. I think everyone else would have too. Then…God answered a lot of prayers, because of the scaring on the bones we know that the medicine is working! Prayers answered!!!

To make a long story short, I asked my doctor, “Are you saying that the cancer is no longer active?” He said, “I am saying that the cancer is inactive and that is what we call remission. I told you that you had decades and I meant it.”

I know that I will never be cancer free. I will always have to take some kind of drug to keep the cancer from growing. It is a disease. I am okay with that. I am just so happy that those sneaky cancer cells died. I would rather be in remission than anywhere else! Thank you God for the Good Sparks in my life!!!

Then my doctor hugged me, told me how happy he was, and said we have known each other a long time and that this has made him very happy for me. I love my doctor!

The lyrics to Here Comes the Sun by the Beatles, it is very fitting. It really has been a long, cold lonely winter.

HERE COMES THE SUN

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, and I say

It’s all right

Little darling

It’s been a long, cold lonely winter

Little darling

It feels like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, and I say

It’s all right

Little darling

The smiles returning to the faces

Little darling

It seems like years since it’s been here

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, and I say

It’s all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes

Little darling

I feel that ice is slowly melting

Little darling

It seems like years since it’s been clear

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun, and I say

It’s all right

Here comes the sun

Here comes the sun

It’s all right

It’s all right

 

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