Getting out of your head really helps you get into your heart.
In the second week of chemo (last week), I am in such a fog, I try so hard to think. I am a thinker and when chemo affects my brain, the effect is a constant headache for 7 days due to trying to remember what I was just thinking about. “What was I doing? What was I saying? What was I going to do? Where am I going?” I find myself in the middle of a room not knowing what in the world I am doing there. It isn’t like if I walk around for a couple of minutes and retrace my steps to jog my memory and the thought comes back. It just disappears.POOF! It is gone. I don’t remember the thought ever again. So, I have learned to write everything down, before I move from any spot to another. I have a blog, this page, and a stack of spiral notebooks. It is crazy how much I write lately. My thumb and wrist hurt so bad when I write and when I type my finger tips get all weird feeling.
As I was saying, getting out of your head and into your heart makes you feel better. So in the second week of chemo, I am unable to connect the two together unless I write it down. Then all of a sudden, I end up having all these really, really, really deep thoughts. I think the combination of chemo and just wondering when life will end makes me “see” things that others may not see. I think some are born to know things, and others need experiences to know things; that would be me.
Anymore, I see so much. I feel as if I am looking at the world as I did when I was 3. I feel like I am turning into a child. Perhaps maybe, a child of God. Even though, I already know I am. However, I am really feeling the effects of being a child of God. The good parts of the world are popping out at me, right into my face. I smile more.
There are butterflies everywhere, trees swaying in the wind as if they have something to tell me. Plants growing. Everything is synchronized for the greater good. It is as if a tree catches a bird because there is a place to rest. The tree and the bird pull together to relieve loneliness and to give rest. Everything works together. Synchronicity.
You know what the Good Spark is? It is the spark that gives a good idea after a moment of peace. So the more peace I have, the more sparks I get. The more I change that spark to a good spark, the more I build upon good experiences. It is a thought processs.
There is no reason to build upon bad experiences a.k.a. hold grudges, hold judgement or whatever makes me feel bad. There is every reason to build upon happiness and to become synchronized. That is what a good spark creates love and happiness. It is a natural way to create synchronization. I can do this (emphasizing the I). YOU can do this too. The only requirement; I have to love myself. If I cannot truly love myself, I am not synchronized. If I try to spread happiness when I am not synchronized, I am really not spreading true happiness. All I can do is spread happiness with an agenda. In the end, that is NOT a Good Spark.
I’m glad I am chemo free for the next week. My head feels much more clear. Have a nice day. ~Jenny
P.S. This is a great video.