I am survivng
I am living
I am loving
I am allowed
I am good
I am control
I am relient
I am resilient
I am surving
I am happy
I am thought
I am laughter
I am speach
I am child
I am spouse
I am rock
I am mother
I am beauty
I am daughter
I am sister
I am playful
I am fun
I am creative
I am loud
I am soft
I am tough
I am strong
I am straight
I am sound
I am breath
I am animal
I am woman
I am soldier
I am warrior
My battle triumph.
I am not sure if I have told anyone this before but the DOVE company follows me on twitter. They sent me a private message saying they were sending me a gift package before the Emmy’s.
In light of the recent news I just post, it was nice to see this picture as I opened a package, unbeknownst to me that it was from DOVE.
I literally got up to go to the bathroom. The door bell rang as I walked by the door. I picked up the package addressed to me, thinking it was from amazon. I opened the box and a big picture of a dove was before me. Now that is God’s handiwork for sure.
I dont know how to say this so here it goes.
Lift up praise to our Heavenly Father.
If I didnt fight to have a partial hysterectomy, things could have been worse. I listened to the spirit and I kept saying over and over to doctors,”get them out, they are killing me!” It was denied, then my doctor got it approved through a peer to peer conversation with the health insurance doctor. Finally, those ovaries were removed, along with the tubes and uterus. The pathology report came back with mets breast cancer infiltrating my ovaries. With clean tubes, uterus, and cervix.
I fought and listened to my body, not anyone else. I listened. That is the only way to survive people. You have to know yourself, know your feelings, know discernment, and act.
I dont know what all this means as far as medicine is concerned, but I think it means no changes. I believe I am winning.
Pet scans can’t see tumors until they are a certain size. Instincts and feelings told me to get those little killers out.
Do not ever let anyone tell you trusting feelings are wrong. Trusting a feeling is the first thing you should always do!!!!! They are the first line of defense….not your brain! Relying on your brain is like relying on your ego.
In short, I got some cancer out, praise the Lord for the gift of the holy spirit and the knowledge to listen.
There is a war going on between the pharmaceutical companies and alternative medicine. That includes the supplement industry. Big Pharma has been trying to get rid of the supplement industry for years. Now they are after alternative doctors and treatments. Why? They are taking some of their market share.
I am one of those persons who will turn to herbs and supplements instead of western medicine. Why? Because drugs always have harmful and sometimes deadly side effects. Several months ago my husbands coworker died from taking Ibuprofen for pain. He took several pills a day for two weeks and his heart couldn’t take it. He didn’t know he was literally killing himself. Did he know there were alternatives? Like acupuncture or cannabis? He was only trying to alleviate the symptoms but his doctor never looked in to the cause of his pain. That kind of treatment goes on in western medicine all the time…
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Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. The five stages of grief. This is what happens with a diagnosis of cancer, except it never stops. As long as you are fighting, the five creep in and they never stop rotating in no such pattern.
Living with cancer is like living in a constant near death experience. It isn’t all bad, but when you are in this state, you begin to see the true colors of every one around you and all you want to do is tell people that they are not who they think they are. People hold on to experiences as if it is their identity, never understanding to let go. Never realizing they are for more bigger than they are. Yes we are one in a trillion, but not in the sense of who we really are. When the mistakes and the choices, whether good or bad, are peeled away, we are all the same. Just a temple holding a spirit inside.
The one thing that is scary about living like this is you can see a persons true colors. How they have let this world mold themselves. There are some beautiful people in the world and there are some very dark people. Those dark people are the ones that need a person who understands the strength of weaknes. They need to know the truth. They need to come off their soap box. They need a person who knows that there is more than this life. They need to know that their darkness and weakness can be turned into their strength.
I may sound crazy, but things are revealed to me that only a few will see. I get very freaked out so freaked I have anxiety attacks. I find myself thinking I would be better off out if this world about 5% of the time because I can bear witness to the beauty that awaits. 95% of the time I feel that I need to be here because I have to tell and help people remember where beauty resides. Some of you already know, but others do not. I want to be here to share my testimony. That is what keeps me going and of course my family.
Long Day for this girl. My surgery was switched from Women’s Gateway to St. Mary’s Hospital. The hospital that gave me the wrong medicine when I wound up in cardiovascular ICU. Apparently, the anesthesiologist is to scared to do it at the Women’s Hospital at Deaconess. So back to St. Mary’s. I was pretty verbal about this and quite clear that I can not have certain medicines and that I have told them this before and they completely ignored my request for proper medication, thus ending up having my ICD fire 16 times in one night. It is quite possible I could make the last time into a lawsuit. I’m at the least contacting the customer complaint and billing department. I just it makes me feel rude to do contact them. But, they need to know.
The good thing, as usual my doctor is a good doctor. It is always the pharmacy and staff that are screwing my medicine up. She is going to have the list on hand and make all appropriate measures to ensure I am given the correct medicine. Still, I will have double the anxiety on Tuesday, so they better dope me up good. This is a big step for me to trust St. Mary’s.
So surgery on Tuesday.
Then Wednesday, I have an allergy prick test for food allergies so I can my eating habits under control. I’m sick of allergy issues after I eat.
I swear, I am so freaking sick of medical issues. I never get the flu or any type of virus.No No, I get the big crap. On top of that, I’m one of the healthy ones. I was going to do a dang triathlon. Ugh! How retarded life can be. Cancer is stupid.
Signing up for Group Kick (which is basically kick boxing) starting this week. Been swimming three times a week. Haven’t got on my bike, but will soon. I need the seat changed. I’m not sure when I will run again. I may not be able to do it ever again. But, no one said I have to run the 5k in a sprint triathlon. All I want is a finisher medal. I don’t have to win. And seriously, I want to start kick boxing because honestly, I feel like kicking the hell out of the air. I just want to KICK! I AM NOT SICK!!!!!!!!!! I am just at a week point.
When one comes into a conversation with contention, leave the conversation with good intention.
Remember, contention causes irrational thinking and a lack of heart.
The only way to ease contention is through prayer. ~ jenny