Month: December 2014

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What I love about winter

What I love about winter:

Snow

Watching snow fall from the front window

Standing in the snow and catching flakes with my tongue

Oranges

Snowmen

Coating of ice on trees

Snow on pine trees

The calming affect a snow covered front yard gives

The happiness of seeing the front yard after a full day of playing in the snow

Snow angels

Snow covered cars

The invigorating feeling in my lungs after a deep breath of cold air

Sweaters

Mittens

Scarves

The reflection the sun gives off the snow

Dogs in sweaters

Reading on the front porch underneath an electric blanket

Fire in fire places

Boots

The crunch of snow under my feet

Hot chocolate after playing in the snow

Christmas music

Christmas trees

Children singing Christmas carols

A New Year

Christmas lights

Icicles hanging from the gutters

Real snow cones with real blackberry syrup

Sledding

Sliding down snow covered, icy hills, on my feet

Winter movies

Visiting family

Bundled-up children ready to play in the snow

The season for puzzles

Yes,  I do like winter.

The Spirit of Giving

As I was sitting at a dinner table surrounded by adults and my youngest 6 year old child a conversation started developing. It was a conversation about who told who that Santa is not real. All of a sudden I whispered to my husband, “Why are they talking about this?” Finally, someone pointed out that the conversation had to stop. I quickly changed the conversation to the fact that my son made a motion detector and he plans on putting it out by the tree so when Santa comes he will trip it off and a very load sound will awake everyone and we would be able to see Santa. ***Note to self, disconnect wire, no one should ever see Santa.

I was thinking about this whole Santa Clause thing. I have kids that are 21, 16, 6, a grandchild who is 1, and another on the way. So far, my oldest kids are the ones who have asked me whether Santa Clause was real. Then it donned on me, I have never told my children that Santa Clause was not real.

When they asked me, I told them this:

“I believe in the spirit of giving. St. Nicholas or Santa Clause is the epitomy of selfless giving. I believe in the spirit of giving and you can decide what you want to believe in too.” This is all I ever said to my older kids.

I believe that teaching kids of about Santa Clause (the spirit of giving) teaches so many lessons. Especially, if you do it right. Always ask the children what they think Santa and the reindeer would like to eat. Let them know that there is going to be a lot of cookies that Santa eats and he is going to be very tired. I let them decide what to leave out. I believe that not only is this teaching a child empathy but, it also teaches them to show that they are thankful that Santa included them in his journey.

St. Nicholas or Santa Clause teaches us about selfless giving. Santa is an all around giver. Parents naturally want to teach selfless giving to their children.

If you want to take it in a more Christian way. The spirit of giving comes straight from God. He gave us the greatest gift.  For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16) .

If you look at Christmas as just a bunch of gift giving, technically it is. (Just not the insane materialistic kind.) The gift giving can represent the gift God gave us, it can represent the gifts from the wise men. It is a completely and totally a Christian Holiday. The tree can represent the night sky, the lights on the tree are the stars in the sky. The star or angel on top of the tree is a sign of the good news that was brought into the world. Christmas ornaments represent all the blessings we will now receive because Jesus came into the world so that we may not suffer for our sins. This is the ultimate gift and the ultimate spirit of giving.

I believe in the spirit of giving. No one can ever change my mind about that. The spirit of giving lives on forever. As long as I believe in the spirit of giving, I believe in a God that gives us many blessing on a daily basis.

I always find ways to teach my kids about the spirit of giving all year long. It just doesn’t have to happen at Christmas. Christmas represents the gift of peace to all in the world. Easter represents the gift of forgiveness to all in the world.

So this holiday season give the gifts of peace and forgiveness.

Multi-task queen

I was sitting here thinking of you. You are a totally awesome mother and friend. You are so sweet to take the time to talk to me when you also had all of the kids with you. How in the world do you do it. I have forgotten how to multi task. I used to be a multi task queen. Now, it is one day at a time. One thing at a time. I may even skip that. 

I am jealous because I used to be like that. I had it all together. But then I realized, I didn’t have it together even when I was multi tasking. I realized that I can appear to be rock solid and then inside I am mush.

I dont think it is just me either. I am sure many of us have the ability to look like a rock yet be mush inside.

I believe we have all felt this way at one point in time.  Death, disease, sickness; it all gets to us one way or another.

Everyone, please be nice to each other.

P.s. thank you my friend

A survivor’s pep talk

For those of you that don’t know, I ended up beating the first breast cancer. It started in 2001 and ended in 2014. When I found this out, I also found out that I had a new tumor and a new breast cancer. So now I am starting over. I had a port put back in, after not having one for 12 years, and I recently have started a new type of IV chemotherapy for the type of breast cancer I have. You are now up to date.

Dear Good Spark,

This week was really bad. I am pretty sure that I convinced myself that I was going to die, and die soon. I fell into a very deep depression. It hurt my whole body. It messed me up really bad. I started thinking about what life would be like, on earth, without me. How everything would just continue except, I would not be here. I imagined the grief that my children, husband, family, and friends would feel. Then I saw that eventually they would learn to carry on without me. They would learn to laugh and smile again.

I guess I am not as important as I thought I was. I’m just a soul on the earth trying to get by, just like everyone else. Everyone hurts in bad situations. Everyone feels good in good situations. That is just how it is. Then the moments pass and different experiences happen. We all have experiences that cause us to have very similar feelings. The only thing is, they may not always happen at the same time and they may not be as severe/good as others. It just depends who you are.

Plus, whomever you are with is probably going to feel a part of your experience with you. More than likely, if I am feeling depressed my actions and words express depression and it causes everyone else in the situation to feel similar feelings. I believe that is a way empathy works.

I am wondering, why am I handling this experience so badly? I suppose each experience can be handled any way I want it to be handled. Why am I  choosing to make this some kind of bad experience? It is fear. Fear did it to me.

The one thing I fear the most is death. It is because (remember I am a child that lost a parent at a very young age) I want to be with my family and I don’t want them to go through what I went through. My desire is to live a normal length of time. I want to live to see my children grow. I want to live to see all of my grand children. I want to see great grand children. Wouldn’t that be awesome? YES!

The thing is, I was so worried and fearful of the future that I was unable to enjoy the present. I thought a lot about this. The word “die” echoed in my mind. Why? For crying out loud I am living. I am alive. So why not make the best of what I have?

I had to give myself a pep talk, “Stop giving into fear, Jenny! Fear is no good. It will eat you up and spit you out. Go forth in love and light. Show your beauty. Live and love everyday for all the days of your life and surely you will be content.”

I ended with a prayer.

Heavenly Father,

I ask that your angels remind me to pray daily and keep me safe. That you show me a safe path, every day, in which I can show happiness, love, and kindness with my actions and words. I ask this so I will have a positive impact on everyone around me but, also give myself the gift of happiness through your grace. I ask that you give me the courage and strength and health so I may be healed and made well according to your grace. Thank you for happiness. Thank you for everything that is good. Thank you for grace. In Jesus name, Amen.

Do you know the definition of amen? It means, “so be it.”

So be it, I will be well and I will be happy.

Love the survivor,

Jenny

snow angel

SNOW ANGEL

 

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