prayer

The Box at the Front Door

I use Amazon all the time. My account is set up. It is easy and simple and I get quality product at my doorstep. I even get free shipping. I like to use 6pm for buying clothes and shoes, occasionally. My account is set up. It is easy and simple and I get quality product at my door step. I use other sites too, but these two are the ones I use most often. I’ve used swim outlets, running stores, cycling stores. They all have the same things in common; I have an account. It is easy and simple. I get quality product at my doorstep.

If I can go on line and click a button without having anything tangible in my hands, and know without a doubt that I will receive the product, I should know immediately that a prayer will be answered?

The store is like God, it has everything I need. The account is set up, he knows me. There is a button to click, so all I have to do is ask. My product will be at my door, so I believe, unwaveringly, that my product will come. I ask myself what I want. I seek out my desire. I click (sounds like a knock) a button. Then I get what I want. All I have to do is wait. I know what I want is coming. I don’t even think about it again until, BOOM, there it is right in front of me, at my front door. Boom; oh my gosh, yey, I have what I ordered. Now that is service.

If I can trust these online stores and not waiver. Then surely, I can trust God will answer my prayers. That I only have to ask once. Only one time. No need for repeats. God will answer the prayer because God is Great.

Faith takes work. Believing. When a prayer is answered, it will be better than any online store could offer. Sometimes items are returned. Answered prayers are never returned. It is because they are designed specifically to be greater than what was asked for. Answered prayers are greater than any box at the front door.

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A survivor’s pep talk

For those of you that don’t know, I ended up beating the first breast cancer. It started in 2001 and ended in 2014. When I found this out, I also found out that I had a new tumor and a new breast cancer. So now I am starting over. I had a port put back in, after not having one for 12 years, and I recently have started a new type of IV chemotherapy for the type of breast cancer I have. You are now up to date.

Dear Good Spark,

This week was really bad. I am pretty sure that I convinced myself that I was going to die, and die soon. I fell into a very deep depression. It hurt my whole body. It messed me up really bad. I started thinking about what life would be like, on earth, without me. How everything would just continue except, I would not be here. I imagined the grief that my children, husband, family, and friends would feel. Then I saw that eventually they would learn to carry on without me. They would learn to laugh and smile again.

I guess I am not as important as I thought I was. I’m just a soul on the earth trying to get by, just like everyone else. Everyone hurts in bad situations. Everyone feels good in good situations. That is just how it is. Then the moments pass and different experiences happen. We all have experiences that cause us to have very similar feelings. The only thing is, they may not always happen at the same time and they may not be as severe/good as others. It just depends who you are.

Plus, whomever you are with is probably going to feel a part of your experience with you. More than likely, if I am feeling depressed my actions and words express depression and it causes everyone else in the situation to feel similar feelings. I believe that is a way empathy works.

I am wondering, why am I handling this experience so badly? I suppose each experience can be handled any way I want it to be handled. Why am I  choosing to make this some kind of bad experience? It is fear. Fear did it to me.

The one thing I fear the most is death. It is because (remember I am a child that lost a parent at a very young age) I want to be with my family and I don’t want them to go through what I went through. My desire is to live a normal length of time. I want to live to see my children grow. I want to live to see all of my grand children. I want to see great grand children. Wouldn’t that be awesome? YES!

The thing is, I was so worried and fearful of the future that I was unable to enjoy the present. I thought a lot about this. The word “die” echoed in my mind. Why? For crying out loud I am living. I am alive. So why not make the best of what I have?

I had to give myself a pep talk, “Stop giving into fear, Jenny! Fear is no good. It will eat you up and spit you out. Go forth in love and light. Show your beauty. Live and love everyday for all the days of your life and surely you will be content.”

I ended with a prayer.

Heavenly Father,

I ask that your angels remind me to pray daily and keep me safe. That you show me a safe path, every day, in which I can show happiness, love, and kindness with my actions and words. I ask this so I will have a positive impact on everyone around me but, also give myself the gift of happiness through your grace. I ask that you give me the courage and strength and health so I may be healed and made well according to your grace. Thank you for happiness. Thank you for everything that is good. Thank you for grace. In Jesus name, Amen.

Do you know the definition of amen? It means, “so be it.”

So be it, I will be well and I will be happy.

Love the survivor,

Jenny

snow angel

SNOW ANGEL

 

Feeling Better

I am moving forward. I got so sick this year that I was not able to accomplish things. If I can’t accomplish things, it bothers me negatively even though I had an acceptable reason. Now that I am feeling better, I’ve been cleaning up around the house. I feel really good to get things done. I am seeing a physical trainer twice a week. The more I exercise, the more I want to ride my bike and swim and the better I feel. I finally started to de-clutter my room. It feels good. The more I accomplish the better I feel. I feel like I am winning this mental and physical battle. You have no idea how much better I feel. I am smiling while I write this. I am smiling more. I am sleeping better. Sometimes, I have a bad day. However, the bad days seem to be less and the good days are increasing. I am so thankful for all of the prayers I received from friends, family, and people I don’t even know. I am so grateful for the life I have. Things are turning around. Thank you; all of you. Scans are coming up next week, please keep those prayers coming. Thank you so much for all the awesome support. 

I am so grateful for all the good sparks sent my way.

Ease Contention

Something short:

When one comes into a conversation with contention, leave the conversation with good intention.

Remember, contention causes irrational thinking and a lack of heart.

The only way to ease contention is through prayer. ~ jenny

One Day At A Time

I am having trouble with what to write for the past couple of days. Sometimes, it is really hard to stay positive and that is what this blog is all about. You know?

The other day, I caught myself day dreaming. My thought was, “What if cancer is just a really bad strain of the flu?” “If it is, surely there will be a vaccine for this in my lifetime.” Sigh.

Chemo makes me so tired at the end of a cycle, it changes my brain. I’m in a day dream fog. Just three more days. Lesson learned the past couple of days; do not plan anything because more than likely there will be no energy to do anything.

Oy vey (hitting my forehead), I have an appointment at Bob’s Gym tomorrow morning for a fitness review. (Sucking it up) I’m still going. I need motivation.

I am unmotivated and that drives me crazy, I have to remember not to expect a lot out of myself during the second week of chemo. One step at a time, one step at a time, one step at a time. I am being forced to slow down. If you know me, you have to know that I am going crazy under my skin!!! I think I am going to scream in my pillow now. Sickness makes you get to know yourself in ways only a survivor can understand. Just three more days.

Here is something positive. I read in a book called A Year of Living Biblically.
ACTS:
Adoration
Confession
Thanksgiving
Supplication

Get it? It is how to pray or meditate or whatever. This book is both hilarious and honest.

Hugging myself and sending hugs to you.
~Jenny

Getting closer to God #2

I eat right, bless my food, and keep God in control. The effects are endless and it naturally causes me to be close to God.

Do not get me wrong, I love sweets. However, I totally limit them. I also limit gluten and dairy. I try to “clean eat” about 80% of the time. When I eat right, I feel good. My mind is clearer. I can move faster. My reflexes are on fire! I have so much energy too. I feel wonderful. Because of all of these good feelings, I feel closer to God and he gives me a sense of accomplishment.

added benefit of eating healthy~staying fuller for longer periods of time

I want to take care of myself and I rely on God to help me. There are times when I know that I am reaching my limit of 20% blah! Most of it tastes like cardboard anymore, except marshmallows. At this point, I pray that he gives me strength to resist food that is bad for me, aka marshmallows. There are times when the voice in my head says, “eat it, you deserve it.” I want to emphasize, THAT VOICE IS NOT GOD. It is not your loving Heavenly Father. As soon as I start believing that I deserve anything, is the minute I believe I am in control, not God.

I truly believe that asking God to bless my food for the nourishment of my mind, body, and soul; gives me strength. Strength means I will have a clear mind, awesome reflexes, a lot of energy, and a great attitude. The rewards are endless. My choice to eat healthy and my choice to ask for a blessing gives me the same benefits! Double insurance!!! I am living proof this works! I survived cancer twice.

get closer

pray without ceasing

Prayer has always been a huge part of my life. When I spent the night at my grandparents, my grandma and I would say a good night prayer. There were many times that I would spend hours contemplating about God and sit in my bedroom and pray for whatever I needed. This was a ritual from a young age, through my teenage years, and into adult hood. When I look back on all the time I spent in prayer, I realize that it was a time of meditation and conversations with my Heavenly Father. To this day, because my life was centered so much around prayer, I know that God answers prayers, there is absolutely no doubt in my mind. Because of this I’ve learned not to pray with doubt. Instead I pray with faith.

Hands to Heaven

If you don’t pray, you should start. Before you roll out of bed in the morning, pray. You don’t have to be kneeling. God, does not care where you pray, how you pray, when you pray, or what you pray for; God just wants you to pray. That is what prayer is; having a conversation with your Heavenly Father. Speak to God. God is in you because his spirit lives within and you can have a conversation anytime.

daniel 6-10

Once you start praying in the morning. Start praying in the evening. Always, thank God for the blessings that are bestowed upon you. Thank God for your talents and gifts. Then start praying before you eat. Ask God to bless your food. Start working towards a healthy lifestyle full of prayer.

The bible states in Thessalonians 5:16-18, that we should pray without ceasing. It says: Rejoice evermore.  Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Praying without ceasing is like having a conversation with your best friend all day long, and you get all the answers you need. When you pray without ceasing you learn discernment. You learn to recognize when the Holy Spirit is guiding you. Having this ability will increase your well being.

Here are some typical conversations I have with God:

Me: Good morning. Thank you for another day. I know this day will be good because you are good and you make the days. Please show me ways that I can make a difference today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Me; Should I ride my bike or go for a walk?

God: If you ride your bike you might want to stay close to home. (God is always right, my weather app showed rain that day)

Me: What should I eat? I need something healthy.

God: Have a smoothie and add some eggs.

Me: I’m bored. What should I do?

God: It’s a good time to blog.

Of course, I also ask more complicated or personal questions and pray for family or friends. When I ask questions, I wait and listen for a response. I listen to a quiet still voice. Some people may say that it is just myself answering my questions. That doesn’t make sense to me. Why would I ask myself questions if myself already knows the answers? This is why I believe God talks to me and the holy spirit guides me. You might think I’m crazy but I don’t believe that. I believe that this is what praying without ceasing is all about. It’s about having a constant conversation with God all day long. I try to pray without ceasing and therefor, I live a happier and more fulfilled life. Prayer is a really easy exercise that strengthens your faith in all things.

 

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